"Murphy's laws" of programming

John D K -

Why my program is not working

All laws posted here are based on my personal experience.

  1. Everything is working fine until the demo begins.
  2. If a program has any way of crashing, it will just before save.
  3. Every defect is a feature until the opposite is proven.
  4. Battery power of the laptop is always 10% less than what you need.
  5. Auto-updates usually starts when you need to close in a hurry.
  6. The boss will interrupt me always in the bad moment.
  7. Requirements - accepted, Development - done, Tests - passed, delivery - OK, Environment - Wrong!
  8. When I should code I want a beer. When I have a beer I want to code.
  9. I can fix the other's problems. Why I always get the most complicated, sophisticated and impossible problems.
  10. Every defect needs fix, every fix needs test, every good test find a defect.
  11. A download could be either slow, either corrupted or will be the wrong version.
  12. My computer is always updating but when I need a specific update it's always missing.
  13. Estimation is always shorter then what I need.
  14. I know everything until the job interview starts.
  15. After days of searching and after days of fixing - I find the solution on internet.
  16. The solutions are always there except when I need them.
  17. If there is an error it's OK, if there isn't there is a problem.(A delivery validation feature - error proofs that all steps before are fine).
  18. Everyday all steps/batches passed without errors. On my shift all get wrong.
  19. Whole day waiting for work, just before to leave for a party the mail arrives.
  20. Compilation begins well, process is fast and at 99% hangs
  21. One developer - solution, two developers - conflict, three developers - problem, four developers - beer party
  22. Holidays are perfect time when you are most needed at work.
  23. Always when I review other people's code, I find my defects.
  24. Just mastered something and completely new version is out.
  25. The colleague that I need for my work always left when I need him/her.

  1. One beer - fixed defect, two beers - new feature implemented, three beers - new release, four beers - new job.
  2. Always when you ask a colleague for help and you find the answer yourself before he arrives. But if you don't ask you are not able to find a solution.
  3. Sometimes, something that was working yesterday and that will work tomorrow, is going to crash today.
  4. Always when you fix a defect and the other functionalities stop to work.
  5. Steal the idea, the code, the architecture of our colleague. But if you find a problem in the idea, bug in the code, defect in the architecture keep it for you.
  6. Wish your colleague hardware, IDE, framework, language. If you can't have something of it then say that it's a piece of crap.
  7. Everything is working until a programmer starts to work.